International Rules of Consumption

This is taken from Callum's MSN space...and adapted to be in normal English.

 

When drinking alcohol, the following rules apply…sometimes.

 

Section One: Terminology

 

1.      A drink is called a Beverage.

2.      To drink is now to Consume.

3.      A finger is referred to as a Digit.

4.      A hand is known as an Appendage.

5.      The number ‘2’ is replaced with the word Couple.

6.      The beverage being consumed is known as your live beverage; once it is emptied it is dead and should be resurrected or replaced as soon as possible.

7.      A 5p, specified at the beginning of the night, is known as The Queen.

 

Section Couple: Basic Rules

 

1.      One’s live beverage must be held in one’s left appendage.

2.      The little digit must be extended while consuming.

3.      The name of one’s live beverage must not be directly stated except in ordering a replacement from the drinking establishment.

4.      One may not visit the lavatory during the life of your beverage, unless it is unavoidable.

5.      Pointing with an appendage or digit is not allowed, only with an elbow.

6.      The above terminology (or equivalent) must be used, not the terms which have been replaced.

7.      Spillage of the beverage of either ones piers or ones self must be avoided at all costs.

8.      When in an establishment with tables and chairs, a Thumbmaster may be appointed.  Everyone will then keep their opposable digit on the table and remove it when the thumbmaster does.  The last person to do so will suffer a penalty decided at the start of the game, usually an entire beverage.

9.      The Queen is entrusted to a participant in the evening.  Should the queen fall into a beverage, it must be consumed with haste to prevent her from drowning.  Once this is done the person who saved the queen must hum the national anthem with their beverage receptacle upturned over their head.  Note that caution is advised, as swallowing and hence partially digesting the queen could be seen as treason.

 

Section Three: Advanced Rules

  1. First names cannot be used, only surnames or nicknames are acceptable.
  2. Swearing is forbidden, although freedom of expression with ones digits is still permitted.
  3. In order to place ones beverage on a surface one must first tap the edge of the base of the receptacle on the table twice.  Once this is done one may only let go of the beverage only if one is remaining at the surface.
  4. To prevent spillage a living beverage must be placed the length of one middle digit from the edge of the surface.
  5. A Chairman and Vice Chair will be appointed to oversee the proceedings. Any disputes must be taken up with the Vice Chair, who will inform the Chairman. The Chairman’s decision is final.
  6. At the Chairman’s discretion, rules may be amended, added or omitted. But only if the Chair and Vice Chair are in agreement.
  7. Chairman and Vice Chair are NOT immune to penalties; the same rules apply to them as to everybody else.
  8. Water is the only beverage which may be referred to by name, but may only be consumed after intense dancing or when one has consumed too many alcoholic beverages already.

 

Section Four: Penalties

 

1.      When any of the above rules are broken or ignored, a penalty of a couple of digits is incurred.

2.      Spillage requires the consumption of ones beverage as well as the purchase of a replacement for the spilled beverage.

3.      Failure to follow the lead of the Thumbmaster results in a penalty decided on the night, usually the consumption of a beverage.

 

These rules may be adapted as the group feels necessary.  They may also be combined with other consumption games.

 

 

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Content based on material of no known source.  Wording and interpretation © 2005 Dominic Food and Callum Weaver unless otherwise stated.